On Writing 'Too Much To Contain'

One of the things I’ve learned through writing prose all these months is that it is true what they say, that writing is very likened to a muscle.  The more you exercise it, the stronger it becomes.  Meaning, the more you write, the better you become.  I don’t know if I’m better exactly but I’m firming up in my understanding of how to listen to my characters and to plot out their stories, arrange the words into something beautiful, cohesive and pleasing first for them, then myself and then friendly readers.  This current story is anything but beautiful, empty of pleasure and reaches a grim conclusion.  It’s new, difficult territory for me but it was the story I was told so it is the story I will share.

The psychology and tactics of ‘Too Much To Contain’ boil down to human atrocity.  By nature, I have a champion’s compassion for all things living, but this current antagonist threw me for a violent loop.  The basic aspects of creating good, strong characters is to make them feel like a real living breathing human being instead of a list of attributes etc.   In this case, I fleshed out a monster and allowed the decisions he made he his own instead of censoring it for a more feel-gooder.  The germ of the story came in a dream, the crux of the story, a flash of a chaos that scared me so badly I had no choice but to write it down. 

There is a silver lining, a blessing.  As I started to write, I discovered it was more my protagonist’s story than the evil culprit.  In saying that, I was somewhat relieved to know I didn’t have to dig as far into his twisted psyche as I originally dreaded.  Don’t get me wrong, I had to spell out the whole terrifying scene and it chilled me right to my bones but not having to write it from his perspective made it manageable.  I fear some might see it as a cop out but it’s essentially how the story was delivered to me, it’s my job to relay it.  I’m grateful, I ain’t gonna lie.

I’m almost finished the actually story.  I have a few scenes left to write and some housekeeping to do.  I’m writing everything entirely out of sequence so it’s again like assembling a jigsaw puzzle.  I initially challenged myself too to write song lyrics but I’m not sure that’ll happen or if they are needed, maybe.  I’m still looking for a fitting ending, one that won’t have people hurling stones at me for making them say, “That’s it!?’  It really isn’t that kind of story.  I hope to find a way to end a mournful story on a positive note.  That’s the optimist in me, you know?

David Bowie’s ‘Cat People’ has been on constant repeat while I’ve been writing this one.  Fever Ray’s ‘If I Had A Heart’ and Placebo’s cover of Kate Bush’s ‘Running Up That Hill’ have also been useful.  To get in the proper frame of mind to write violence, I queued up a big Marilyn Manson playlist peppered with a few other songs fellow writer and confidant Kiersten Bree Johnston has been using for inspiration in writing something especially dark.  These musical tools have been life-savers, pardon the pun, they have really helped me through the struggle of facing the big bad.  I just hope the finished product resonates.  It was an absolute exercise of will and courage, writing this story and for some you might read it ago think I’m a cry baby but believe you me, it took everything in me to compile.  I look forward to what my critics have to say.  Eeek!

Question, who turned off the summer heat?  I no likey.  Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming.

In propinquity,

Nic