Thursday, June 21, 2018

I Don’t Believe I Am Supposed To Be Happy



I Don’t Believe I Am Supposed To Be Happy

once awake
I never know if
I’ll meet the day a
champion chatterbox
or a soft modern stoic
& since no one owns
my heart
I rise
alone
to crisp
pine-scented air
drink dark coffee
eat ripe red fruits
w/ bread & butter
& ignore willful
typewriter keys
in the other room
merry pranksters                     
            all 44
instead
I compose short
poems on long walks
the
curse
of joy
& the
bitterness
of brilliance
reveal a half
remembered
dream
sweeping my
reverie like a
clutching wind
            it appears on
the piece of paper I
found
crumpled in
my coat pocket
a little verse w/
a perilous future
            on
my travels
I find another
lone writer in wait
on a
park bench
head down
            pen moving
I find myself
sitting down beside
            him
& only
intermittent
banter
breaks our
stone silence
I
considered
shape of his skull
beneath his wooly
hat 
the gilded leaves
pinned to his lapel
& wondered what
it would be like to
trust his mouth on
            mine
I imagined
in a single kiss I
could feel his heart
pump
            inside of his
chest cavity & we’d
dance slow in a vast
meadow
            until I feel a
tear slide down my
cheek &
            acknowledge
it is only just a poem
melting into a scrap
of paper
            it is past noon
I scurry by all the day
laborers reading news
papers
eating sandwiches
out
of brown
paper bags
resting their bones
            I consider
stopping
for
lunch at
a piano bar
a sweet reprieve
to sip house wine
pry open oysters
& glug them down
            but the
arrogant furrow of
my brow forces me
            home
I don’t
believe I am
supposed to
to be happy

***

My bud sent me another prompt, this time it was the poem’s title – which I joked sounded a great deal like a new song by The Smiths. So much fun writing this and it came on a good day since I left my book on my work desk yesterday and had to be alone with my thoughts instead of Anthony Bourdain’s.  I was happy to have had a project to focus on. It’s difficult writing long poems on your phone – the necessities of creativity stop for no one, eh?

In propinquity,
Nic





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