You Would Stay

My weekend was full.  I had a vacation day on Friday so it was a three day weekend for me.  I woke up on Friday to gorgeous weather, threw on a hoodie and jeans and went out into the sunny world.  I did some errands and parked myself at Emma's Eatery for brunch, a pot of tea and some quiet so I could sit and write a long glowing letter in favor of her dynamite short story she sent to me in the mail.  That was peaceful and such a lovely way to spend my first day off.  

I received sad news the evening before that a sweet friend passed after a long battle with a terrible condition and being an American, an inhumane war with health insurance.  No one in this world will ever convince me that the Canadian way is wrong.  I believe all human beings have the right to quality health-care, not just those who can afford it.  It's criminal and wrong.  It isn't socialist.  It is right and just and it pains me to know that if her health care situation had been better, she may have survived her affliction.  It makes me angry, so if you ever plan to argue that the American healthcare system is superior to ours, you will lose.

Friday evening was a blessing.  I had reservations for Yuk Yuks Comedy Club with Erica, we purchased tickets weeks ago in support of a friend's kid's hockey team.  I was grateful for the laughter and time spent, it eased the ache and some of the sad.  Laughter is good medicine.

Saturday was a family day.  My nephew is moving west for his job, climbing power lines so a good portion of my big immediate family gathered at my brother's house for beer, chowder and socializing.  It was lovely even more-so, feeling sad, to spend time surrounded by my people.

It was hard to stay up late last night but in honour of our friend, a group of us all across the globe, even as far down to New Zealand, all tuned in online for the Retro-Redeye Express radio show.  My amazing friend Sunshine does this show on KKFI in Kansas, public radio at its finest. Weekly she spins a great cross section of new wave, alternative etc music that I love.  She's great at it and last night she had Harold in studio with her, another friend from LA who joined her for a guest DJ spot.  It's like we were all holding hands, holding hearts and laughing together, in honour of Becki and in kinship.  They are all such tremendous humans, I'm so lucky to know them and have them in my corner.  It was a welcome circle.  Always is.  I was dead tired when I crawled into my bed but it was well worth it to spend time among family and know we are all thinking, feeling and depending on the collective spirit to  wade through the heartbreak.  Sunshine and Harold were excellent together, was great to hear their voices and the songs they played, one hour of covers and rest of the show, a stellar selection.  Any show featuring Annie Lennox in the soundtrack is good for me.

It's windy and rainy here today.  I made pancakes and tea for myself and planted myself in this chair for a quick blog.  I have little desire to return to my 6am alarm tomorrow but such is life.  Today is made for laundry and lazing.  I plan on doing little else.  Bit of daydreaming perhaps, a little TV and a great deal of folding things.

I leave you this Sunday with a poem I finished tinkering with this morning:

You Would Stay

you

would stay one of the wandering forever

my friend who still believes in Heaven

it is a mystery how much of your heart

still hunts for someone to listen to you

still aims for someone to be amazed you

were fed by a dream too big to breathe in

you

would stay one of the lonely people always

my friend who often hides from kindness

it remains your biggest secret buried deep

in the frozen tundra of your human hinterland

unaware that one instant of joy contains

the invisible sum of pure love plus all time

you

would stay one of the vagrant pulled threads

my friend who still hangs rose patterned curtains

it is known your story is so much longer than most

a thousand pages of preemptive commentary with

anonymous changes endorsed by a wily saboteur

shutting out your voice dimming your lightness

you

would stay hidden in a mournful shroud of sadness

my friend who still secretly longs for human heartsong

to protect those peopling the center of your universe

to accommodate them with possibilities already present

a common height aligning shadows in expensive grammar

a fortuitous elegance bestowed on every star that falls

you

who would stay one of the wandering for all time

sacrifices too many flowers for the duplicitous weeds

you are prefaced by greatness

rise

**

Just a quick reminder to you, love your people with all your might.  Life is so precious, unpredictable and fleeting.  Don't waste it being angry, holding grudges or being whiny and negative.  Search always for the best of what you have and who you have.  Celebrate that goodness, their cheerfulness.  Our time  here is too short to resist happiness, to be too cool to care about anything, to be aloof and crass.  Start everyday with love, with kindness.  It'll return to you tenfold.  I promise.

In propinquity,
Nic

Rest in Heavenly peace, Becki. <3