Showing posts with label writing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label writing. Show all posts

Tuesday, September 18, 2018

Led the Away (For Gord Downie)



Led the Away
(For Gord Downie)

V1
I woke up to the inevitable
man, it’s so unbelievable
Gord, up on High
a quick flip of the moleskine
and a liter of cheap wine
gonna sit in this dark bar
and write this song for him

Chorus
with constant revisions made
to the Canadian curricula
always poised a portent
assigned our Poet Guardian
gloriously, you kissed the dream
my exquisite friend
o’ how you led the away

V2
what it means to be hip
how to follow a seamless script
every sentence so imperative
cool lessons measured by his time
mumbling and raging every rhyme
we urged them to become our heart
and that makes losing him the
            hardest part

Chorus
with constant revisions made
to the Canadian curricula
always poised a portent
assigned our Poet Guardian
gloriously, you kissed the dream
my exquisite friend
o’ how you led the way

Bridge
the inevitable
so fucking unbelievable
Gord’s graceful goodbye
the inevitable
left us inconsolable
crying under a bruised sky
whispering please stay

***

In a little less than a month, it’ll be a whole year since we lost Gord Downie. I’m no less broken now than I was when I first heard he was sick and it was terminal.

The day he passed, on my commute home, I scribbled a bunch of lines on scrap paper I found in the recesses of my work bag. I stood tearful, on the side of the road, writing out my feelings. I’ve penned a good few poems in his honour but this one was singing its way through my head, as a song.

Fast-forward to Halloween weekend, 2017. I’m dressed up as a bumble bee standing outside of Freeman’s Fairview with my brother who is dolled up like a rock ‘n’ roll ghoul. He hauled me aside to tell me about a song he was writing. I listened intently and we talked about the weight and beauty of what he was working on and then as an afterthought, I told him about the lyrics I mashed into that bit of paper. He encouraged me to send them to him and he’d set it to music. Eventually, he did – and, beautifully so.

The lyrics have evolved since his first rough recording of it which left me in a tarn of tears on first listen. Not only because he did such a stunning job embedding my words into his music but because he sang the line: ‘Gord up on High …’ the exact way I heard it in my head when I wrote it down. It gave me goosebumps and it still does now whenever I am wherever he is playing it in his shows. It’s a really special thing, for someone solitary like me, to hear something jotted down in private, come alive in such a powerful way.

Soon enough, God willing, you’ll be able to listen even if you can’t make a gig. Perhaps it’ll be closer to the anniversary so we can pay tribute in an official capacity. For now though, I wanted to share the lyrics, conserve them here in poem form, here at the Teapot.

I’m really proud of how it has advanced from a tear-stained cut of paper to a gorgeous ode set to beautiful music. I appreciate, with all my tattered little heart, my big brother even wanted to tackle it. I’m excited for you all to hear it but if you’re able to check out one of his gigs when he’s playing around town, you just might hear it.

In propinquity,
Nic


Thursday, August 30, 2018

And then -- gone.


And then – gone.
I
inaudibly endure
alarming indifference
pencil strokes erased
horizon flat
desirous
to live a single sharp
            & notable
instant w/ someone
who dares to tell the
            truth
and then –gone.

***

Out of sorts this evening so I squirreled myself away, read a gorgeous and sad chapter of my dearest friend’s book, listened to some tunes with my headphones next to a cool breezy window, then threw on a Taggart & Torrens podcast and pecked at a silly little poem.

As another dear heart always says, ‘keep he drama on the page’.

That’s all I got.

In propinquity,
Nic

Tuesday, March 20, 2018

Oh, It Was Absurd


I came across this photo of Bette and Joan today. And, after reading a few creativity-related articles online, this cheeky, if not slightly bellicose poem materialized. It felt good to put something with a little more edge on paper after completing a rather sad short story yesterday. I've written two stories now in the past few weeks. I still haven't started the monster edits on 'Sillyheart' yet but they are coming. So are the stories. If they are coming, I'm going to write them. There's no rush, right?

So, the poem:

Oh, It Was Absurd

Oh, it was absurd that time when I slid across
the polished floor boards of my old house in my
sock feet and slapped her across the face with an
old back issue of the Vasser Quarterly. Thwack!
I’m ashamed to say I tried to apologize with a
note composed in my childish handwriting but
it was not received as warmly as it was written.
Oh, it was absurd the way she tried to discredit
me in front of all of our friends accusing me of
being the cause of propaganda poems, posturing.
She got two thirds of the way through her cruel
and disparaging diatribe while on speaker phone.
I don’t know what it was the tone of her snooty
voice or the cock of her big bonce whatever it
was made the last straw in me snap and so I swiftly
swatted her in the most knee-jerk inimical manner.
Her haughty jowls stretched into a shocked mask –
oh, it was absurd. I’d take it all back in a heartbeat
but the expression on her face was priceless.

***

Ready for a little sunshine on my face. I welcome today's commute home just for that.

In propinquity,
Nic 

Sunday, August 20, 2017

Begging Bowl



I should be ashamed of myself for neglecting my blog for so long. But, it isn't because I haven't been writing. I am still going full steam ahead with my year-long writing project, still maintaining my one page per day. I started January 1st and it's now the 20th of August; I have written 300 odd pages with an abundance of blood, sweat, tears, laughter, frustration, joy, and inspiration. I owe it all to a few select people, they know who they are, and I owe it to myself, for pressing on, for putting in the work. It's an extraordinary journey, I love these characters, I love peeking in on their lives, and I love that I was the one chosen to help them tell their story to the world. Mind you, so far, there's only one friendly reader who is invested. I don't know the rest of world will ever read it but it is my hope. 

I wrote today's page while listening to a radio station from Freddy Town, NB. They are playing the Tragically Hip's discography, commercial free, as it's the one year anniversary of their last show in Kingston, ON. It is fitting since my protagonist is a huge Hip fan, as am I. Her kitty's name is Gord Downie Cat. Go figure.

In today's page, Sillyheart attends a 'poetry in the park' event planned and hosted by a her charming and unavailable crush, Elias Silver. This is the poem she reads on one of the open mic stages:

Begging Bowl

silver penned poets
convene around the
begging bowl with
their small habits
their serious hopes 
awaken the belated
defeat of innocence
through the nibs of
their sad ball-points
cautious engineers
construct a tangle
of inspired queries
until the sun clouds
over and the moon
rises high overhead
silver penned poets
assemble around the
begging bowl with
beckoning powers
their timeworn rites
their staid faiths &
volume of gladness
delivered outward
to reach the broken
hearted hangers-on
to heal & reconcile

***

The most amazing thing about this whole project is when I feel the extremes of loneliness in my daily life, they rescue me from it. It's one of writing's super powers. The same can be said for reading a book. Art is everything. 

In propinquity,
Nic


Wednesday, October 12, 2016

A Long Way To Prayer


A Long Way To Prayer

it is a cool cerulean morning the
sunny slope of daylight dawning
I am wrapped in a warm shawl
w/tea at my Carleton House desk
long into the privacy of my wits  
intent to ease a critical torment
the absorbing errand of
writing something down
for the time being, I consent to
the calm will to chew my pencil
this poet, awakened to the perils
stationary in the heart of the world
the itinerary of the sun
I resolve that I am not alone inside
a sound presence tizzies, is resolute
its provident measures preserve me
safely in this scene of spreading paper
I could sit here forever, not a single
sentence strung just for the quietude
akin to the day Light was named
this joy postpones enduring travail
guised as a harbinger, a prompt that
                it is a long way to prayer
en-route I count treasurable things
handwritten letters, polaroid pictures,
a small porcelain box full of sea-glass,
a cracked vase, chipped china from a
pattern used at Christmas luncheons,
paperbacks, hair-pins, and the Muse
my ideal friend, with me while I walk
around & will be with me in the grave
it is a short Horizon
                a long Heaven
write everything down
in the affirming arrangement of prayer
I know all of this to be true in the glow
of cerulean morning, wrapped tight in
wool, the sweetness of steeped tea &
a great gift to acknowledge
& all of it abolishes an incarnate woman
                Me

**

I have been feeling like someone kicked me square in the gut lately. It’s always good to play with words when things happen to your heart, your psyche, your spirit. I’ve been trying for the last few days to peck. This poem, the result. It was a slow burn but it served its purpose: healing.

It’s interesting, when I grapple with unpleasantness; my poems tend to be laced with a spiritual tinge. I notice this about myself, perhaps it’s a subconscious defense mechanism, an ideal friend guiding me along as the poem suggests? I tend not to be creative when I’m unhappy but this one pieced together but only because I needed to write something; even if it was something small, something messy, something spare. Some days it is a long way to prayer, but today I skimmed poetry and that was good.

In propinquity,
Nic



Saturday, August 13, 2016

Two Poets


Two Poets

two poets rave
in downtown Halifax
his stride matchers her pace
both knocked by hurly-burly
poems
with all their words missing
our eyes
monitor their molten movements
how he lures verses out from under
                her lovely dress
how she forgets how to swim to him
& the explosion
of stars in each willowy hand
they are all we refuse to ignore
                unrestrained inheritance
two poets rant
in a dingy basement bar
still downtown Halifax
                in their limited light
opening sentences taste the same
as the shiny elastic prayers hidden
in the luxury of our worry
he is an action not taken
& she a simple twist of fate
                perfect bodies
                purple hearts
                parallel pains
two poets
                who unbutton the night
leave everything bare
skip town before dawn
                & we all take the blame
for everything they left behind

**

Vacation has been nice. A good break from the 9 to 5. I intended to devour books, write my face off, and do a ton of creative stuff: if daydreaming counts … I did spend a good chunk of time on my own, breathing and thinking, musing and scheming but I failed to follow through on the ‘plan’ and instead went with the flow. Isn’t that more of what a vacation should be? I do regret not taking more time to write though. I have to get my head back in the game but until this week is over I won’t shove myself too hard for it.

Today’s pecking was fun. I set up a ‘best of’ Matt Mays playlist (to get my soul prepared for my Hubbards get away next weekend), poured myself a ice cold cider purchased from a road trip I took on Thursday with my best bud, and just dug in.  I mentioned twice today how I hadn’t written enough on vacation to two different people so it was time.

Drinks and laughs tonight with friends and then my last day of vacation tomorrow before returning to the work desk but burning through the days so my weekend in Hubbards with friends comes quickly.

Happy Saturday!

In propinquity,
Nic






Thursday, June 9, 2016

Little Foul Joy


Little Foul Joy

it wasn’t yesterday
a drolly aggrieved girl
turned to a blank page
in an overfed notebook
& scribbled a sequence
of roseate words

heart of waiting
cannot be undone
                love is an ending

in her book of small sorrows      
                sweetness still flows

little foul joy
                this poem’s accomplice

**

I was feeling a little edgy this afternoon, ants in my pants kind of edgy: and so I took the thoughts that were swirling around in my day-dreams and spun them into a poem. It's just a little something to stretch the creative muscles, keep the fingers nimble, and the fires burning. I in truth, I was flipping and flopping between this wee verse and another that wont' be ready until tomorrow, won't make sense until then as well. And it never hurts when I am feeling as I am for Ryan Adams to sound on the CBC station that keeps me company at my work desk. Hearing his music always conjures up the urge to write and for that I am grateful.

Nothing else but the radio ...

In propinquity,
Nic


Tuesday, January 26, 2016

A Curious Factor



A Curious Factor

innumerable periods spent
hunched over a roll-top desk
just to exist on paper

a curious factor
world-propelling

the sum of limitless hours
plus a mounting word-count
minus the mundane measures

a curious cause
mental time-travel

insufferable phases endured
pacing threadbare carpeting
                just to exist on paper

a curious factor
creative tumult

rhythm & cadence
clause & comma

perish to publish    

**

I saw this amazing tombstone of a roll-top desk. It is deep in a Nebraska City cemetery and the inspiration for this little poem: a writing exercise for the sole purpose of stretching creative muscles I hadn't managed to use over the weekend with the arrival of a monster migraine headache. I had fully intended to plant myself at my own writing desk on Saturday afternoon, after acquiring my Poe-Ka-Dot socks from Bookmark on Spring Garden Road. En route home from my nerdy errand I came down with a monster headache, the remnants of which are still present as I post this. I need to finish my Patti Smith inspired writing exercise. I need to make time for it in the evenings. It needs close and careful edits to not exceed the goal. I can afford the time, I just need to turn off the TV and focus. Re-watching Mad Men in its entirety may have been the wrong choice with a writing exercise looming. Ha!

Happy Tuesday! 

In propinquity,
Nic

                                

Thursday, January 21, 2016

She From Tumbledown Cottage



She From Tumbledown Cottage

each sip of black coffee
each dip of brown bread
in a bowl of light olive oil

&

her introspections excavate

meandering slowly amid a
deep interior

&
the thorny
world she ambles around

woman so odd & amiable
inventories her incentives
affecting eccentric flashes

of

humour
                resolute faith
                                melancholy
memory
                & consolations of art

she from tumbledown cottage
transacts in first-person vignettes

                                & artful snapshots

akin to navigating a lucid dream
& performs w/ sincerity of spirit

she from tumbledown cottage

traversed

dive bars in Detroit
Frida Kahlo’s Blue House
Café ‘Ino
                Rockaway Beach, NY
Paris, France

in her
she from tumbledown cottage

I find my own kernels of truth
                & resonance

**

I am currently in love with Patti Smith. More than I ever have been. I started reading ‘M Train’: it is so beautifully written, so ethereal, so solitary, sumptuous and satisfying I am savouring every single second by reading at a snail’s pace. I don’t want to miss anything she says, or sees, imagines.

I am fascinated by her perceptions, her connections, her approach to art, the world, kindness, simplicity, and her humanity. She speaks of those she loves, those she’s lost with such tenderness and loyalty that it almost breaks my heart. She has lived such a life, in the kind of way that I will never be able to. While there is envy there, I am grateful I can now visit with her, through prose, poetry, music and be transported accordingly.

Patti Smith is a masterful artist. She is an extraordinary woman with an exceptional intellect and heart. ‘M Train’ has rekindled my need to approach my days with kind consideration, to ensure art is part of all of them, whether I make it or intake it.

If you are looking for a good book, give ‘M Train’ a try.  I am smitten.

I am still working on a writing exercise that this book has inspired. I hope to complete it shortly.

In propinquity,
Nic





Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Make It Sing


So, I didn't make the long list for the Creative Non-Fiction Literary Prize this time around. And, that's ok. The fact that I was able to write this little piece about my Dad so soon after his passing felt like a win in and of itself. I think I'll try again for the next round. I have plenty of time to pick a moment and expound on it in a creative non-fictiony way.

I kept this piece close to my chest, allowing few people to read in the event it was chosen. But, now that I know I've not been short-listed, I can share it here. It makes me smile when I read it and perhaps the reason for my non-success is because I can tell I wrote it with a broken heart. It really isn't CBC worthy and I can see that clearly now.

That evening is one I will cherish all my days.

I hope you enjoy this little glimpse of my Dad:

**

Make It Sing
Dalhousie Arts Centre, Halifax, NS
June 2007

It is no small matter to see my father perform his comedy act for the first time. He is in his 76th year, and I am just now being afforded the opportunity to experience his hilarious hijinks and his dry, side-splitting jokes in the presence of strangers. Throughout my life, I have been a victim to his pranks, gags and quips; it is officially time to see him onstage, performing his screwball routine for an audience who has loved him longer than I have known him.
The crowd convening inside the Rebecca Cohen is an old-fashioned sea of bright, summery coat sweaters resting on rounded female shoulders, crowned with perfectly-coiffed white curls to complement their male counterparts, sporting haphazard comb-overs and dusty suit jackets. A devout crowd has collected for the Nova Scotia Classic Country Concert, a benefit for the Special Olympics, to reminisce, to return for a few hours to their formative years, to raucous kitchen parties and pool hall dances by way of a familiar roster of singers from the era, the fiddlers and performers who provided the soundtrack to their youthful shenanigans. The air is heavy with anticipation and a hint of impatience, married with a faint bouquet of floral talc and stale cigars. I bypass them all and slip backstage in search of Dad.
I find him in his dressing area, fussing in front of a mirror. His zany get-up includes a pair of old tattered overalls, a black felt Hillbilly hat with an arrow shot through the crown, bare feet, and his Ovation guitar strapped in place, with his joke prompts taped carefully to its curve. He is examining his face closely, adjusting his glasses under the brim of the humorous hat, muttering jokes beneath his breath. He catches my reflection in the mirror and spins on his heel, his arms open wide in exaggerated presentation.
“Ta da!”
“You look amazing and ridiculous.”
We both laugh.
“Are you nervous?” I ask in awe, sizing him up in his wacky ensemble.
“Piece of cake,” he says, confidently.
“I am so excited to finally see you on stage.”
His face tints and he fidgets. “What?”
“I said, I am excited to finally see you perform on stage.”
“That’s twice you said that,” he smirks.
I shake my head. He is always on, and I fall for it every single time.
Dad is given his curtain call: “Five minutes!” I snap a few pictures of his comedic form, give him a brisk hug, and rush to take my seat near the front of the auditorium. When I stop and look back at him, he’s adjusting his guitar and straightening his posture.
“Hey, Dad!” I give him a proud two-thumbs’ up. “Make it sing!”
He chuckles charmingly and nods. “You got it, Pontiac.”
The five minute curtain call turns out to be a lark. An hour later I am anxious, shifting in my seat as I wait for him to appear. I scan the auditorium to see scores of almost-snoring seniors, seconds away from nodding off. In the span of ninety minutes, the mood in the room has gone from jubilant to borderline comatose. The band launches into their next song, slow and deliberate: “Send me the pillow that you dream on …”
We are doomed. For the next two and a half minutes, at least.
My own eyes are getting heavy when the MC returns to the microphone. “This man doesn’t need any introduction. You know him, you love him, and he is here to entertain you. Put your hands together for the funny man himself, the Ben Colder of the Maritimes … Lawrence Myers!”
The seemingly pedestrian introduction upends itself to the swell of sleepy seniors rising to offer thunderous applause. Dad slides onto the stage, in character, ready to deliver. There he is, my Dad, rocking on his bare heels, cradling his guitar, grinning like a Cheshire cat. Farce is about to become force. My heart is in my throat and I’m on the edge of my seat. Dad launches in effortlessly.
“You know what they call a funeral where you can smell your own flowers? A wedding.”
The room is alive again. He immediately has them in the palm of his hand. The guys and dolls are alert, hanging on every zinger that rolls off the Joker’s quick tongue.
“A friend of mine opened up a dry-cleaners next to a convent. He knocked on the door and asked the Mother Superior if she had any dirty habits.”
He is a real pro: at home in the spotlight, inviting the adoration, feeding off it, reveling in it.
“A blind man walks into a bar … and a chair … and a table.”
Dulcet giggles morph into boisterous merriment. Witticisms, anecdotes and yarns pour out of him with ease; gags cringe-worthy and ridiculously silly induce rib-tickling laughter. He tells whole stories in a single sentence, striking creaky old funny bones so hard they are howling in the aisles. My cheeks twinge from smiling, a direct result of the pride I am experiencing from seeing him engage a room. So this is what all the fuss is about. He is a luminary, so revered. I was so unaware of just how much.
He rounds out five superb minutes of rip-snorting comedy with an impassioned rendition of “Green Green Grass of Home”. The grateful crowd sings along with him; some are even on their feet, swaying. “The old town looks the same, as I step down from the train, and there to meet me is my Mama and my Papa …”
        As he exits the stage, the applause and whistles are almost deafening. I spring from my seat and sneak backstage. This time I find him surrounded by his peers, shaking his hand, slapping his back, bantering and congratulating him on another job well done. It is a marvel to see the man, whom I know as a regular old Dad and affluent car salesman, turned into a beloved comedic superman.
I wait patiently for the crowd around him to subside and move toward him, a bashful fan.
“You were incredible up there,” I blurt.
“Thank you,” he says. “I’m happy you are here.”
“They were drowsy and then the energy was frenetic when you came out,” I muse. “It was amazing.”
“Did I make it sing?” he asks.
“Did you ever!”
He laughs. “Give me a few minutes to change and I’ll come find you, okay?”
Dad is not an affectionate man; not one to show a lot of emotion or bask in adulation, but this night I watch the next few songs at stage left with him. Without a word, he reaches, puts his arm around my shoulders, and squeezes. In his 76th year, he embraces me, his youngest of six children, backstage at a benefit where he volunteered his time to help raise money for special athletes to fulfill their dreams in Beijing. The poignancy of this moment is that he made another young woman’s dream come true: mine.
I glance up at him, my heart brimming with pride. He is out of costume, back into his usual “Dad uniform” of slacks and a short-sleeved shirt, his glasses resting on the bridge of his nose, singing softly along with the folks now occupying the stage. I want to turn to him and tell him that I, too, have benefitted from his performance and from our close proximity right at this moment. I want to tell him how proud I am of him, proud and in awe of how he filled the room with joy.
I keep quiet and appreciate the moment. I think he knows. I hope he does.
He made it sing.
**

Hmmmm ... what to write about for the next literary prize?

Suggestions welcome!
In propinquity,
Nic 

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Writing Blind


Writing Blind

I always hope it will be scrupulous and lively
the tender trap of an ordinary Heaven, writing
piecing together old wounds in my thinking suit
an old mushroom-hued nubby cardigan sweater

I strive for it to be devotedly comprehensive and strident
every single page cluttered with ample prose and poems
created inside the confines of my own private organized chaos
my stomach tied in the most intricate of stubborn knots

and the silence so deafening that to breath is impossible

writing blind toward an ending is an indescribable ecstasy
it is an enforced soberness to arrive at the conclusion
to have left so much of your private self behind in plain sight

the goal: to be a fine practitioner of word-molding magic
the hope: to morph from clumsy tenderfoot to the premiere suite
the way: coached in language by the Supreme who have come before me
the struggle: to isolate the ownership of memory and make-believe
the reward: sensitive curation of intimate markings touching others

I always trust it will be honourable and animated
the hapless adventures of my pen moving across a fated page
a demand for love to disarm the weight of the world and suspend
into the fabricated fortunes, fortitudes, follies and fouls of fiction

I endeavor for it to be forged with unceremonious courage
all tenacity, all mettle, all nerve and valor, audacious and dogged
immune to the clamor and distraction of both praise and criticism
to be able to bookmark my beginnings and focus on the process

I arrive, as imagined, empty-handed to every occasion ready to toil
I tell myself: ‘You are a woman of infinite talents. Get to work.’

and, I write.

**

Writing a poem about writing while aching to write anything other than a poem.

It’s all work. It’s all creative.

Don’t sweat the small stuff, yeah?

Got it.

In propinquity,

Nic











Friday, July 3, 2015

Caught In The Act


I tried desperately to squeeze some joy out of my mid-week holiday this week. Canada Day came, the sun poured through the windows with the promise of hours of enjoyment ahead. I struggled, the second my feet hit the floor, to ‘get with it’ for lack of a better phrase. Not wanting to waste a perfectly gorgeous day, I forced myself outside into the throngs of people and strollers and wheelchairs up and down the Halifax waterfront. Big mistake. Doing this activity alone and aimless: no plan, no comrades, no sense of direction; bad idea. I was already in a dark frame of mind, weighed down by the pressures and anxieties currently plaguing my days. I should have stayed home. That became evident when the sun gave way to the dark menacing clouds and it started to pour. I was on Barrington Street in short sleeves, no umbrella, minimal cover and solo.

My only goal in the weeks leading up to my country’s birth was to head down to the free show at Alderney Landing to catch the Glorious Sons from Kingston, ON. I’d seen them open for Airbourne at The Marquee and I fell in love with their particular brand of rock ‘n’ roll. When I set out across to Halifax, the idea was to eventually end up back at Alderney Landing in time for their set. But I got drenched en route to Dartmouth so I just kept on going until I was home in my comfies curled up with my eyes closed, agitated beyond comprehension. The only bright spot of the whole journey was a wee visit with Hannah.

Checking the clock and in with a friend, I opted to force myself back up, change into something warmer and go do what I wanted to do for weeks: see Glorious Sons. Timing was perfect, I arrived at the grounds just as they started their set.

A strange thing occurred to me as I watched them rock and then roll. I was standing in a crowd of thousands of people and had never felt lonelier. A profound sadness washed over me and it was all I could do to keep the tears in.  

But then, there was that kick drum … that fortuitous power filled up my being with authority.

Music does save. It did me in that exact moment.

I went to bed less filled with the dread of the day and more with the hope of making my tomorrow better. I can sometimes get very low but then my inner-optimist wakes up and slaps my feelings silly, reminds me I can do better, be better and kinder to myself. With struggle comes progress, right?

So, in addition to being brought back into the light but a rousing dose of rock, I also started reading a sweet little book: ‘Hector & The Search for Happiness. It is teeny tiny trade-paperback written by Francois Lelord, simply written yet insightful. It’s a wonderful little parable about modern life, about happiness and unhappiness. If you’re looking for a quick read with heart and lessons learned, pick it up. It is just what I needed. I found my copy under a pile of writing folders. I forgot all about it but it was like I was meant to forget so I could find it now when I was most in need of the directives.

Today is Friday. I missed the OHF gathering last night and I have this poem in the current issue. I really could use a gathering to get up and share some writing – better yet, I could really use a decent spurt of energy to create something worth sharing!


**

Caught In The Act

a singular vehemence instigated
a triumphant return to buoyancy

the near absence of preeminence
enacts an aesthetic  to serve admirably

the idiosyncratic ringing of the bells
bewitched an unleavened expression

to recite lengthy open-hearted verses
a rising narrative of subtle nuances

on the poetic condition

caught in the act of rhythmic climax

a surreal phrase
on a brisk winter morning

**

Happy weekend, friendly readers and loves.

Be happy.

Be free.

Be safe.

In propinquity,
Nic

Saturday, March 21, 2015

The True Path to Esthetic Ideals, Heroic Acts and the Promise of Knowledge


The True Path to Esthetic Ideals, Heroic Acts and the Promise of Knowledge

I unremittingly yield to my absolute ambition

the true path to esthetic ideals, heroic acts
and the promise of knowledge

it cannot be achieved through improvisation
nor can it be obtained by reducing the arrangement
early lessons suggest I must squash the quandary
emulsify the vicious medium and expel the hazards

this route leaves me stranded at night forgetting how to breathe
confused about a previous chapter its loose and pithy margins

my trembling hands hold up reoccurring dreams occasionally lost
imaginings fostered by hard moments and the charity of triumphs

the seams stitched with explicit instances of traveled light refined
curious lapses that one so pensive would waste the secretive season

I assiduously harvest every single second of my struggle

for the true path to esthetic ideals, heroic acts
and the promise of knowledge

I stand gazing up into a sky full of beautiful words alight

what you cannot find with your will you’ll find on the wind

**

I couldn't sleep much last night so I got myself some early morning fresh air and then came home and wrote this. My head was jumbled up and the only way I know how to un-jumble is to breathe in and write so that's exactly what I did.

Venturing out for an adventure of sorts with my bud today. Hopefully we get all the things we need to get done before the menacing weather starts. Mostly rain here I imagine but we shall see. Rain belongs in Spring, yes? Heaven help us.

However you spend your Saturday I hope it brings happiness into your heart.

In propinquity,
Nic

Friday, January 2, 2015

All My Fears Are Trivial



I don’t believe in resolutions. Well, not anymore. Resolutions, eat better, exercise more often, be kinder, be better … blah blah blah. I believe in intentions.  And not just on January 1st but 365 days of the year. Life shouldn’t be about the annual clean slate but rather the on-going mission for growth and goodness. But, that’s just me.

For me right now, there are a few areas that require a little extra work on my part but that has little to do with a new year dawning but from circumstance. Isn’t that usually the case? I have meditated on it over the Christmas break and realize my problem areas and am now striving to improve upon them, which includes but is not limited to strengthening the fortress around my heart to prevent impurities in and firming my small but mighty circle of friends. Time to purge the toxins, metaphor intended.

The one exception to the resolution rule this year is I started a gratitude jar. Nothing fancy but today I dropped my first slip of paper inside. I vow to add to it, even on the difficult days, one little thing that brought joy to my hours. I will do this until December 31st and then hunker down with a celebratory beverage and read them all. 2104 was a difficult one so this is my attempt to remember the good stuff if things go south. It’s Amorian, it’s good for me. I challenge you to do the same. It’s a negativity net if you will. I’ve reached my threshold and my ability to cope with drama and folks who don’t deserve a chapter in my ongoing saga. Simplify, simplify, simplify. Just happens to coincide with a new year but if the need had come in June … same tactic would apply.

2014 had magical moments. Singing on the top of my lungs under the most incredible moon I’ve ever seen with The Killers and my people in PEI, Gord Downie squeezing my hand, watching people I love and/or admire succeed and flourish, beautiful reunions, getting my tattoo, meaningful conversations with my Dad, card tag, good deeds, daydreams, Hubbards in summer, nights at The Carleton, seeing my dearest friends smile and laugh, my Mom’s 80th birthday, the amazing rock shows and ringing ears, all of the poems and notes and stories I wrote/tried/wanted to write.

I have struggled for a really long time, trying to tap back into my creativity. I was nowhere near as prolific in 2014 as I should have been. I’m sad that I let life and hard lessons get in the way of the words that wanted to be written. I am working my way back to that self. I know, I sound like a broken record but the long cold winter us upon us and I have to pick up my heart, dust it off and put it to good use. I have to turn off the TV and turn on the poetry. I need to make an Open Heart Forgery reading. I need to dig back in, visit the new library that opened in Halifax and have more artist dates that include writing, research and results.

So, here’s to you all making your fresh start, wiping the slate clean, I’m here with you, listing my ongoing intentions, rooting for you, hoping the best for you and smiling when you succeed.  And even if you don’t, when a door closes a window opens. It’ll be okay. Chin up, open heart, and try try again. If we are always doing our best, we can never truly fail.

In propinquity,
Nic

Sunday, November 2, 2014

Broken Hero With a Poet's Name



Sunday. November 2nd, 2014.  The first day of the time change.  Gaining an hour of sleep they say.  For me, it’s one less hour of sunlight that I require.  I am now facing those several months where I will be getting up in the dark and going home in it too.  While I do enjoy the nighttime, sunlight as I get older tends to hold more promise and it alleviates the seasonal blues.  Must buy some vitamin D.  It doesn’t help that it’s cold as a witch’s teet today and has been pouring rain all weekend.  Such is Fall, just like cool cousin Spring.  I have had enough of sitting around, I am going to get out today and stretch my legs and browse around, hopefully get a visit in with my Dad if he’s up for it and then prepare my noodle for the return to the 9 to 5.  I daydream about a retreat every Sunday, a quiet place to think and write and wonder.  I think I’m just longing for a vacation.  A real one.  Not one where I just don’t go to work, but one where I am away from my daily life, somewhere other than here.  I’m still hoping for a trip down South in the Spring before my bud moves to Newfoundland.  We planned for it last April for our 40th birthdays but circumstances prevented me from being able to have the time off.  It HAS to happen this April.  I long for a real grown up vacation.  I work my tail off.  I deserve it.  Most importantly, I need it.

I did get up this morning when it was still dark.  I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t get my noodle to settle long enough to rest.  I read Ru’s blog last night and a line in the preface to the new piece she posted stuck with me, ‘a broken hero with a poet’s name’.  I haven’t written a thing in weeks.  And since this line stuck with me, I thought I’d try to use it as a beginning of a poem, inspired by her creative wisdom.  I hope she doesn’t mind.

This is what I wrote.  Unedited and raw, in Sylvia Plath’s ‘blue hour’ and in the pouring rain:

Broken Hero With a Poet’s Name

I encountered a broken hero with a poet’s name
the weight of his dark eyes evoked an eccentric peace
I put him in a clamorous setting on a critical piece of paper
the noises, crashing cymbals, tambourines, vociferous voices

I wish it had been more of an airy dream under weeping trees
our happenstance was a mere trace of the truest North
a romantic’s naiveté where the moon is always just the moon

the broken hero with the poet’s name propositioned my fate
gone longer than he was present but not without a quiet farewell

I encountered him in the place where I was supposed to be
the stark adequacy of his small oblivion touched me for hours

the broken hero with the poet’s name
entered my emptiest spaces without a word

and re-wrote the laws of chaos into exquisite verses
I sing them now against the wind and into the sun

**

A little writing exercise to flex my muscles just a little bit.  I abandoned all of my stories and characters that were present and I feel really bad about that.  I do try to work but lately I haven’t had the heart for it but I feel like I should be a responsible writer and force myself to do it.  How can I even call myself a writer if I don’t do it each day?  I am desperate to be back in that place where I was prolific and productive, churning out stories faster than I could ever believe.  That was an amazing feeling, a happy time in my creativity.  I hope to have that back.  No, not hope, I WILL.  Right?

Oh, and Halloween was a gas.  We went as happy Mexicans.  I was stunned at how unlike myself I looked.  I was stunned by how much I looked like my oldest brother.  The comments and laughs our costumes got were fun and eased my worried self for a few hours.  Grateful for that and for my friends.



In propinquity,
Nic