La De Da

There are always those people in your life who assume you to be an accessory, the last resort ‘option’, the constant sucker to turn to when no one else will listen. It’s conversation I’ve had with a few lovely souls of late who are experiencing it first hand: feeling as though they are being taken advantage of by those posing as friends and confidants, feeling lost from the constant rejection, feeling inadequate and unsure because you love your friend but they are absent for you in all the ways you are present for them. To me, that all sounds incredibly junior high, grown men and women need not revert back to that sort of behaviour when they’ve reached adulthood. Life is hard but it’s supposed to be, how else to we learn the lessons we are meant to learn and grow from? It’s confounding to me. Perhaps it’s the Facebook age sending people back into their adolescence? Facebook and social media make narcissists of us all and for those whose penchant for passive aggressive pandering, large egos, and/or raging insecurities, the act of online social interaction only serves to enhance such a performance.

I can say with the utmost certainty that while my own actions may hurt someone’s feelings now and then, I never intentionally set out to do so. I can say the same thing for the people I’ve been conversing with.  That is not truth for some. Sadly.

Of course, their current plights with warding off that exact negativity, got me thinking about poetry. This poem, for some, may seem rich in snobbish vocabulary. It’s intentional. If you’ve ever had to put someone in their place or send them packing from your life because they were murdering your spirit, you’ll understand that such language is necessary. To make a point. I have been on the receiving end of this kind of attack, several times. I’m a soft, emotional person. Or, I was. This past year, with all I’ve gone through and continue to wade through, I’ve toughen up, I’ve had enough,  tightened up the circle and I focus on what matters most, what brings me joy while purging the rest. It isn’t that I’ve hardened really, I’ve just wised up and have realized that I don’t have to do or feel anything I don’t want to. I am my own person and frankly, I come first after coming in last my entire life. I have encouraged my friends to do the same and it seems to have started to work for them as well. With age (for most of us) comes wisdom. I’m happy to have reached a place where, for me, that is present and a reality.

So, a poem:

La De Da

if I were the nervy contrarian you

would have others believe me to be

thanks to your irrational elitism

I would have to utter something pretentious like:

“I find your banter about stolen cars betwixing.”

if I were the kind not to be reasoned with

a longstanding status you’ve attached to me

if for nothing more than plain old entertainment

I might weep and run into the wilds of wallflowers

I deliberate on our juxtaposition from your perspective:

“You are of minimal use to me, as different as North and South.

Of course, in this analogy, I am South.”

I contemplate your perception profoundly and scrupulously

if I were the apprehensive disappointment you take

delight in indicating to insignificant others that I am

I might reciprocate and relish in pointing out your flaws

your teeter-totter artifice your subterfuge your flagrant perfidy

to you I say la de da

ergo I will remain in your eyes and those of your pedigree

a kind of sad exclamation snobbishly disdained in high fiction

if you weren’t such an extraordinary novelty

struggling so desperately to renew your world

you might find a way to formulate the divine truth

accept love without believing there are consequences

la de da

**

It's a stunning fall day outside. My coffee cup is empty and I think maybe it's time to throw on a warm sweater and head out for an adventure.  

Wishing you a soulful Sunday full of good feelings and good friends.

In propinquity,

Nic