Where The Heart Finds Rest

Where the Heart Finds Rest

the heart finds rest in random illuminations

in minute ceremonies of ordinary miracles

it is a marvel to be conscious of courage

wade in the sweetness of acceptable silence

revel in the looseness of peaceful prose poems

the heart finds rest in accidental happenstance

in small increments of clarity and welcome whimsy

it is a pleasure to be unabashedly redeemed by love

to be augmented by firmly shaped acts of imaginative thinking

to understand the eminent shorthand of binding kinship

where the heart finds rest is in the little things

elegantly plotted stars and a grain of fine sand

where the heart finds rest is in the kindest things

the knightly things the brightly shining things

turning a narrative into a realized dream

                is where the heart finds rest

 **

The theme of this weekend was everything to do with the marvel and beauty of children. I spent a little time with good friends and their little guy on Friday night. It was a lovely way to decompress after a long work. I don’t get to see them often enough and I was in awe of his smallness which is truly his greatness. All of that wonder in his sweet little face, his curiosity, his innocence, his peacefulness; all astonishing. It did my heart to sit on the floor with him and play toys and to dole out quick kisses to his soft little cheek and hear his laughter. When the world is upside down, the sound of baby giggles, is the best thing in the world.

On the same night, I received a text message from my best friend that her daughter’s water broke. Baby Britton was on her way! After a long labour, the brave and exhausted Mama delivered a gorgeous baby girl into the world. I got meet Baby Britton today, barely 24 hours old, and fell madly in love. She felt like a little miracle in my arms. I look forward to watching her grow and become one of the fierce and wonderful women that make up her amazing family. In the aftermath of losing my Dad, seeing new promising life swaddled up in my arms put so much into perspective. It took everything to suck in the tears but if any had fallen they would have been happy ones. Another friend of mine had her baby boy this week as well. My FB newsfeed is currently full of joy and baby love and I couldn’t be happier.

I always insisted I didn’t want children. It was one of those things, being from a large family, being the baby, all of my siblings brought wonderful creatures into my life and I always maintained that they were enough for me, they all own my heart, every single piece of it, and now even some of those kids aren’t kids anymore and have babies of their own that I love just as much. The only time I truly fell in love with a man, it caused me to re-think my thoughts about having a family. Loving another person can do that, can alter your map. It was a short-lived thought of course, as the love failed but I always appreciate that it opened my heart up enough to consider changing my heart. It left me with some painful regrets, especially knowing that there won’t be a little person to carry me into the world, through their eyes and their dreams and in their own children. It makes my heart ache but it is constantly healed on days like today when I am given the privilege to inhale that intoxicating newborn smell and to be part of a support system and watch them grow up and move through this world. Blessings.

I also designated this weekend to a new writing project. I started to work on a creative non-fiction piece for the CBC competition. My goal is to have it finished by next weekend, the rough draft anyway. It has to be postmarked by March 1^st. I’m confident in myself in that I will meet my writing deadline and get it in in plenty of time.

Without giving too much away, I am writing about my Dad. It took some time to narrow down my options but I found something that I think will appeal to those who knew and loved him. It is a memory of mine and I look forward to sharing it. I just want to do him justice. I said the same when I penned his eulogy and I received good feedback so I know I’ve got this.

It was a productive day. I managed to finish the enclosed poem. To spend a little time alone in my writing room with my headphones on, the window cracked just a touch because it’s mild tonight, to write. And now, after this post, while the laundry is in, I’ll light a candle, sit quiet and count all of the things I’m grateful for. Good things happened today. Good things will happen tomorrow. They will because my life is full, it is rich, not with things or in money, but in people, in poems, in peace.

I hope whatever you did it today, it brought you joy.

In propinquity,

Nic