Fretful Woman

Fretful Woman

a fretful woman

a wild azalea

veering toward blessedness

smeared in a thick film of devotion

draped in soft sheaths of loyalty

she can see the moon blindfolded

above the luxurious spring woods

but you are impossible to convince

& you remove her from time

your irrepressible need 

to have the upper hand

has become everything for nothing

she

a fretful woman

a wild azalea

has become the thunder of the storms

has become a torch song of burning love

you with your cigar

her with her wine

an exemplary fantasy

a fretful woman

a wild azalea 

has overcome every poem she's written

because of your reactionary philosophy

because of the changes in the weather

a fretful woman

survives

despite you

**

Forbearance.  I’m fortunate to be a patient creative.  My current foray is taking it’s good old time materializing.  I’m still listening for the whispers, the answers, with my eye on the world for outside inspiration.  Zelda Grady, the narrator of ‘Large-Hearted’ is still looking for clues, for answers and I trust that when she has more to share, she’ll share.  It’s also a dire challenge to write a story within a story.  I’m literally writing two stories at once.  I fear I’ll be editing for a very long time and I may even outsource the task to a willing participant to make sure that I’m not missing any of my mistakes this time around.  I’ll pay in a bottle of wine or a reasonable substitute (chocolate, coffee etc) if you’re willing.

I finished this girl power/self affirming poem this morning when I was supposed to be cleaning my room.  There’s always tomorrow.  Writing comes first, right?  I broke open my treat I bought at the Freak Lunchbox yesterday, a Cadbury Curly Wurly, streamed Matt Epp’s new record (which I will OWN tomorrow when I go to his show!) and finished playing with the structure and the lines, adding and subtracting and tidying it up.  I sat back and re-read and found myself nodding, that’s how I know it’s time to share.  Poetry sometimes cuts into my prose writing but I don’t altogether mind because I am writing and there’s no rush, I’m not under any deadlines and I’d prefer a story to come slowly so I don’t feel rushed.  I am certain that Zelda has my back so I’m quite content.  I do look forward to you all being able to meet her.

Lovely Saturday.  It was hot and sunny when I woke up this morning.  It’s a little overcast right now but I am hoping that it’ll brighten up again and get out of the house and be out in the world.  I’m enjoying my four day weekend.  Passport business was completed yesterday as well as a few other things I can’t get to when I’m working weekdays until 4:30pm.  I had a good lunch at The Lower Deck, pecked at my story, did a crossword in pen and nursed a red beer then got my hair cut.  I bought myself a leave in conditioner from the ‘Milkshake’ line that smells like chocolate.  It’s delicious and is lightweight which works better for my hair.  I can’t wait to shower just so I can spray it in.  Nom.

ONE MORE SLEEP UNTIL MATT EPP!!!

Happy Saturday to you.  Sing at will.  Hug people.  Read a poem.  And have fun.

In propinquity,

Nic

Hello, stars.

Hello, stars.

If you wish it so

I will shape every

lovely word

quietly congregating

in your warm heart

set them into the stars

so that the keenness

of their true meaning

might whisper
                in your ear

whenever darkness falls.

Only if you wish it so.

**

A little poem off the cuff.  Slightly romantic but nothing special.  Just a few thoughts, a few words on something that resembles love and loyalty.  Two things I believe to be precious commodities, two things that are far too rare.

So, it's John Taylor's 53rd birthday today.  Yes, that John Taylor, from Duran Duran.   I have a lot of love and deep respect for him.  In addition to being the wallpaper on my adolescent bedroom walls, he has served (both in Duran Duran and his solo efforts) as a huge portion of the soundtrack of my life.  Not only with his music but the music I was turned onto because he liked it.  Same can be said about art, books and films.  I love how inspiration is, a long succession of moving sentiments passed down from one blown mind to another.  I admire his creative spirit, his fortitude, is attitude and his art.  I am grateful mostly though because through him, his decisions and and music, I met some of the most incredible people who live in all corners of the world, who have become my extended family, my heroes.  These women and few men remind me that this big crazy world is still beautiful and that there are always things to be grateful for even when the chips are down.  I have watched these people get married, have babies, be present to celebrate their accomplishments, support them with hardships; and for the few we've lost, Bec and Lisa, we remember.  The friendships I have formed have elevated my life, made me better and they continue to inspire me to be better still.  John Taylor made all this possible.  That, is a beautiful thing.  He is the man.  And for that and because he's just a good egg, I wish him a very happy birthday today.

It's the eve of my four day weekend.  I took vacation days tomorrow and Monday.  I have some errands to run, one of which is to apply for a passport.  After I hit publish on this little ditty I have to do my check-list:  birth certificate, passport photos, form fully filled out and most importantly my money.  The goal is to take a week-long trip south with friends as a late birthday present for myself and my friend Colleen.  My birthday is in December, hers is January, exactly one month apart.  For this milestone, we're planning a girls getaway in the Spring of 2014.  Sad to say that it'll be my first official grown-up vacation.  A real vacation.  Exciting stuff.  That's the current plan.  Who knows what next year will bring.  If all else fails, I'll hop on a plane west and go visit Ruthie, one of my most important comrades gained from the Taylor times.  Anything is possible.

On the writing front, I got another little chunk written this week.  Slow going but I'm enjoying the process.  I'm hoping these four days off will be productive.  And of course, this is Matt Epp weekend!  Sunday night at The Carleton!  Yayayayayay!  I'll be on inspiration overload Monday, just you wait and seeeeee.

Still feels like a work night because I'm pooped.  Brewing a small cup of vanilla tea and crawling into bed.  I won't turn the TV on tonight, instead I'll use the time to reflect, count blessings and send my prayers up.

Hug your people.  They need you.

In propinquity,

Nic

Suggestible Minds

Suggestible Minds

allow me to welcome you

to stark minimalist staging

for composed ambiguity

& deceitful aural textures

whatever you do

do not look down

do not brave heavily armed

acquisitions with indifference

at least not of

your own volition

obey to expectations

willfully accept truths

allow me to address you

amply kept audience

on the acquired habits

of conscious conformity

suggestible minds

do not think for yourself

premise of absolutes

attempts to isolate

empirical measurements

are impossible to forecast

when you cannot deliberate

with your own private apathies

suggestible minds

orchestrated purposefully

suggestible minds

manipulated willfully

resonant frequency likely

**

As it always happens, the weekend flew by.  After a particularly rough Friday I arrived home to a pot of stew and Hannah overnight and a visit with Erica.  All, delights that eased my stressful noodle.  I slept like a log too because I knew I didn't have to wake up to an alarm.  Instead, I woke up organically, to the sun streaming in my window and ventured out for the day with Erica, enjoying a lunch and some retail therapy but I was mostly just happy to be in her company.  That was followed by a girls night of sorts at my eldest sister's abode.  Against my better judgement, I drank wine and I knew I shouldn't have because I was battling a headache I've had since early Thursday morning.  Because I indulged, I ruined my Sunday.  I mapped out a perfect artist date for myself.  Halifax in the sunshine with writing and browsing and peacefulness.  Instead I woke up with a migraine and wasted a whole gorgeous sunny day resting so my raging headache would subside.  Disappointed in myself for not heeding my noodle's needs prior to the wine consumption.  Lesson learned.

I'm feeling much better now but still have a dull ache hovering around the eyebrow area.  Just enough to be annoying.  I bought a new tea yesterday, Sleepytime Vanilla.  I just made myself a cup after finishing my laundry and preparing my lunch for tomorrow.  I found enough energy to tweak this poem  I started scribbling mid-week so I could at least feel like I was somewhat productive.  The tea is yummy and perfect for bedtime.  It's my new favorite thing.

Other delights of the weekend:  coming home from work on Friday to a swanky postcard from Haley and my amazon order that included the new David Sedaris book and the book about the song 'Hallelujah' I've been eyeing since Christmas.  I'm armed now with tons of reading material to get me through the next little bit.  I've read a few pages of each book already and I can't wait to get through both of them.  I plan to savor each though because David's stuff is SO good that when I'm done I'm always sad.  His stuff is incredibly smart and funny, so much so that sometimes I make a fool of myself if I'm reading it on my commute home.  I often take to laughing out-loud on the Metro.  Books, good books, rule.

As I prepare to retire for the evening I realize that while I am already missing Hannah being here, her silliness, our 5 minute dance parties and snuggles, I have so much to look forward to in the next while.  A lot of it is music, shows by Old Crow Medicine Show, The Stanfields at the Casino, Matt Mays on the waterfront which also coincides with Kiersten's visit and then Matt Epp at The Carleton come the end of June.  There's even an engagement party in there too.  I also have to get photos done for my passport application for next year's trip.  That time won't come soon enough.  I need out of dodge.

My goal for this week is to complete my current short story, eat better (because I've been bad again), exercise at least 30 minutes each day and try to get enough sleep.  Attainable goals, yes?  I think so.

My headache and I bid you a good night and successful, sunny week ahead.

Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream ...

In propinquity,

Nic

PS - Poem's moral?  Think for yourself and be mindful that when you use your words, choose them wisely.  Sometimes they hurt even when you don't mean for them to.