My Most Judgmental

My Most Judgmental

for the briefest of moments

my most Judgmental reared

her swollen head to purport

my beloved night-singing

has gone out of fashion so I

ought to go on & give it up

this from a would-be stargazer

whose stagy bark never quite

matches that of her

aggrandized bite

there is something so off-key

about my most Judgmental of

late … off-putting even, callous

enough to secretly bid her to

float upward just so she might

fall (for once), wicked a wish

I know … dangerously akin to

the desires that twist inside her

            I shall endeavor to be

unlike those like her who are

scattered & lost, destined for

ruins … not for merit but for

the shrill music that plays in

& around their blindest eyes

whose smile loses shape for

every wound doled out on a

loving heart who loves to sing

just to be closer to Heaven

            I shall endeavor to be

better … she believes I am so

easy to abolish, my most

                        Judgmental

but I’ll still sing high above

her scarred mountaintops in

direct light of the sun, every

word finessed to ease … ease

whatever & whomever may

require calm … even my most

Judgmental – who may be made

warm enough by the melody’s

sweet persuasion to take pause

& weep for all the things stated

that cannot be taken back

***

I overheard a conversation on my commute this morning that inspired this poem, with a little real life thrown in for good measure. The sentiment is universal, and you can take it any which way you like. It isn’t so much about a person but rather a feeling. Perhaps it’d be different for the person whose conversation I stole to create it, I’m certain it’d be someone very specific. It isn’t exactly the most optimistic poem to end out a year of scattered writing, devout reading, and a gaggle of ups and downs. And then there was Elizabeth Gilbert. Workshopping with her saved me in more ways than I can express. It’s why the poem above still sings despite it all. I’ve learned a great deal of what it means to be your most avid supporter. And in that, there’s no more chasing people, only dreams. I’m cool with being on the fringe of circles I no longer belong. I’m cool with aloneness. I’m cool with my own company. I’m cool with my fears and my enchantments. I’m cool with how to face it all, and that’s with my head held high, a smile in my heart, and contentment on my face. I will never pretend the bruises don’t hurt. I am just more equipped, for reals, for how to deal with them. It was the greatest gift of my life. You always think you know and then you realize you don’t. Until you do. And, when you do. There’s no other way, but You. Your way. And, how you put love and goodness into the world.

That’s all I’ve got going into a new year. No resolutions except to say I welcome whatever it is that comes my way. I’ve got the tools and I ain’t afraid to use ‘em!

Wishing you a happy and prosperous 2020!

In propinquity,

Nic